A Compilation of Sorts

In one chair sits you,
And the other I,
Existing as equals,
Yet the chasm is wide,
You may be at arm's length
and we may look alike:
Two arms,
Two legs,
A mouth.
But when yours opens,
All that's heard is the faint bleating and humdrum of the crowd,
Take a look at me;
Here I stand proud.

I'll set my tongue loose,
Letting knowledge define me,
Casting myself adrift
on this monotonous grey sea,
That drowns even the most seasoned sailors,
In bleak unoriginality.

I talk colours, rainbows, stars,
Of whom we can be,
Not who we are.
And this molten passion of mine will spill into the ocean,
Consuming untruths
in one drastic motion.

Fight.
But wield words,
Not violence,
Until we both gasp for breath,
But I will not be silenced.

Oppress me.
I dare you.
Steal my words,
Cut out my tongue,
You know you'll never prove me wrong.
Feel the sting of your skin
as you fell me like oak,
But I'll continue to laugh
when you think that I've broke.

How funny,
Is it not-
that you're believed to be best?
Yet you cower in the dark,
With no one to attest
of your 'brave' soul.
...What a peculiar view.
What a laughable joke.

Yet you'll still open your mouth,
Chirping that same old dirge,
Clogging up my ears,
Oh!
If only you could be unheard.
You say we're equal,
But is this true?
Am I treated
the same way as you?
Should I be humbled by your decree?
Or scoff at this show
of blatant inequality?

You give me this spiel
'til you're blue in the face,
But why should I hear
of this banal disgrace?
Go tell the clones,
I'm sure they'll all listen
to your warped and twisted,
poisoned mission.
Go preach to the idiots who'll eat your words up,
Don't waste them on my ears
because I've had enough.

Didn't you hear me?
Or maybe I should speak more clearly-
is there something you've forgot?

Perhaps that I am different.
And that you are not.

Forever is only a lifetime,
To you or to I,
So how will you spend your time
until it's time to die?
I'll fill it with that glow
that lights my body through.
My ambition is to live,
What about you?

Too many dreams
for a lifetime,
Too many dreams for forever,
Too many "what if"s and "I could"s,
To consider
less than one endeavour.

But what if I could condense
these lives I want to live,
into one single package?
Would my life be just as rich?
Could I laugh a thousand laughs
and love to my heart's content?
Could I look back upon my life,
when my life is spent?
Could I hold what I've gained,
in my hands or in my head?
Would I be able to dance and clap,
or part with my words instead?

Will my forever be enough?
There's only one way to see,
And so I guess a lifetime,
Will be enough for me.

My darkened expression
reflects off the glassy eyed stare
of the girl in front of me,
She isn’t moving anymore,
She isn’t talking,
She isn’t laughing anymore,
She won’t breathe in
to breathe out anymore,
She won’t wake,
She won’t stir that black monster
inside me anymore,
She won’t sink her fangs
into my flesh,
She won’t love me.
She won’t love me anymore.
She won’t poison my blood,
She won’t fill my veins
with blackened tar,
I can’t inhale her anymore
like she would inhale me,
She won’t coil her legs around my middle,
Squeeze,
Until I gasp and ask for more,
She won’t look at me
with those deceitful doe eyes,
She won’t make anything better
anymore.
She won’t fill my head with fairies,
or wizards or monsters,
Now even she disappears
like vapour,
Leaving sadness and only a little regret.
The death of darkness
is still a death,
Now she lies,
dead to me.
Is it so bad to want her back,
now I’ve realised
I can’t see her smile
anymore?
No-
the cigarette butt is lifeless
as it was before.

You'll knock me down,
But I'm still here-
at least in mind.
Though my limbs are numb
as you crush my bones.
Silent screams,
Reverberate around my skull.
Immeasurable time stretches
into one thin cord.
Digging, biting,
Anchoring me to the floor.

My hollow chest
can't take the weight,
It's a simple fact that I must face,
As it splinters, cracks,
And caves.
But at least I'm still breathing,
At least
I'm still
breathing.

The painter of my reality
strikes his brush and leaves bare
the corner set for fears,
Letting the inky blackness seep
and consume the rest of his patchwork quilt of colour,
Tossing it like a shroud over my shoulders he laughs,
Setting my stoop for life.

And so I dangle, suspended,
As the noose tightens around my neck,
And my tongue swells.
I choke on this proverbial existence,
Coughing up swathes of muttered glances,
Swinging back and forth.
I am the exception.
My brain's snared shadows constrict my vision,
I am the prisoner caged in my own flesh and blood.
But at least I'm still breathing,
At least
I'm still
breathing.

Shudders, twitches,
Spasms, jolts,
I hiccup back
into waking life.
The switch flicks,
The mask falls,
and I am left naked-
Exposed.
This is my reality,
This is what I am and what I've always been.
But at least I'm still breathing.
At least
I'm still
breathing.