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 The Maggot

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oxi_proxy



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Join date : 2014-08-30

PostSubject: The Maggot   Sat Aug 30, 2014 3:50 am

I should die tonight. There's a maggot eating my insides, for I'm rotting like a forgotten fruit. It wants to come out. Only I can set it free.
I look at myself and I see no future. My hours drag themselves through the day, they are all mirrored. Tomorrow, another day, is yet the same. A plain reflection of its predecessors.
The maggot suffers from infinite boredom. It begs me to let it go. It talks to me and I give it no reply. What should I tell it? Calm down little maggot. The sun doesn't shines forever. Queitude is a gift from solitude. It must be earned, not given. I endure your eagerness to be free, you shall calm down and let me live.
In the darkness it crawls underneath my skin. It's trail is pure acid. But the maggot keeps me alive. Eating the rotten flesh, holding back the infection, but leaving holes everywhere. Open flesh that bleeds. I howl and moan as the moon visits me through my cracked windows. Me, the maggot, the moon and the darkness. Insatiable companions that cannot live without each other. They hate me as much as I love them. We feed on each other. Forever bound on this dance of decadence.
I should terminate myself tonight. Let the maggot see the world. The moon shine elsewhere. The darkness to be quit for it's voice is almost dead. They all would be better without thier rotten fruit. Theirs seedless apple.

——————————

Wrote this a few weeks ago. I'd like some feedback, please. English isn't my first language and I'm self taught. Also what do you homeslices think of my writing style in general? If I suck just say it! I won't get offended(I promise). Negative criticism leads to improvement, and that's my objective in here. Well that's it.
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KadetJaina

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Join date : 2014-08-29
Age : 24
Location : Czech Republic

PostSubject: Re: The Maggot   Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:38 am

It's quite poetic. I mean - I like better texts with story. Not that this doesn't have one, but it's more like thinking about life and something inside oneself - I guess I can take it for bad feeling, depressions etc. I don't mind this kind of stories, but I can't really criticize it because it's not about story, characters or anything. It's for thinking and nothing else.
I'd rather see some story from you.
How old are you, btw?

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oxi_proxy



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PostSubject: Re: The Maggot   Sun Aug 31, 2014 11:34 pm

Hey Kadet,

Thanks for the review. I'm hand writing a novel, but it's in Portuguese. I like to write these short texts to practice my English. I don't think I've reach the level where I can write an actual story just yet, but I'll keep that in mind :3
I'm 21 years old.
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KadetJaina

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Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: The Maggot   Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:25 pm

I have similar problem with it. I write in Czech and I don't feel sure with writing in English. Though I really want to start Smile

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