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 Waterfall Story thing and Crazy Love

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Schnapple (Shania)

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Age : 19
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PostSubject: Waterfall Story thing and Crazy Love   Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:53 am

Well, since no one's posted anything here yet, I'll make my stories the first (although I'm not as fond of these stories, but they are the only ones I have completely written).
The first one, my waterfall story thing, does not have a title (since I'm terrible at coming up with them). It stems from some writing practice I did in middle school. Our teacher pulled up a picture and we were to write a story on whatever came to mind. The picture I was given was a picture of 3 or 4 monks in red walking across the most beautiful waterfall. I ended up losing the original and attempted (keyword: attempt) to try to rewrite it. This is the result.
Waterfall Story Thing:
 

The other story, Crazy Love, was a result of my willingness to write, but with no topic in mind, and my friend giving me the starter "A person meets their lover in an asylum." I tend to show this to people to prove that I really can't write a story with a positive ending. I wrote this one a few years ago, probably just a few months after the original waterfall story. I liked the idea I had with the story, but I feel like my execution is just...off, although I can't explain why. Anyway...here's Crazy Love! (Also, sidenote: I'm terrible with coming up with names, so enjoy the off-the-top-of-my-head names I gave these characters).
Crazy Love:
 

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KadetJaina

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Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: Waterfall Story thing and Crazy Love   Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:31 am

I like it! I really like both of those stories.
The first one is more or less just description of the story - but it's short and when it was a school project it's understandable. If it was me, I would put more direct speeches there. But when it comes to description I envy you - I am horrible at writing those. And you made it look real Smile.
And the second story - I found some repeating of words ("The cold chill of the late autumn winds sent chills down my spine"...) and there was missing fullstop somewhere. But anyways again, short story, a bit predictable (since you said you can't write happy endings) and I liked it. Though there is a question - if May is the most traumatized person, shouldn't there be more security around her? I just can't see how did she get that knife so simply. That one should be thought through.
When it comes to names of the stories, I have similar problem. I spend so much time just coming up with perfect title. Sometimes even more than with simple writing.
And bad endings? I think it will change with time if you write more. Because there is many different endings you can go for (not only good and bad). There are those neutral ones that make people smile bitterly or be angry at writer etc. I like those ones most. There was a time I was writing mostly bad endings and I still like them more than "they lived happily ever after..." but sometimes there is need for both. But as I said, I am that bitch author that will probably stay neutral mostly :'D.
I've written too much...
Going.
Keep doing great work, apparently you can write very well it just needs more time and more writing... as with every art Smile.
K.

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Schnapple (Shania)

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PostSubject: Re: Waterfall Story thing and Crazy Love   Wed Sep 17, 2014 10:23 pm

Thank you for the constructive criticism! I've never thought of a neutral ending, and that might be the idea that I'd like to try the next time I write a story. Just as confirmation, how would, say, Crazy Love, become a neutral ending story?
For the repeating words, I didn't even notice that. You're the first reader who's noticed it too. And the idea with May, this was an unplanned story, so I honestly glazed right over the logic of the story...although that's no excuse, I should've thought of that.
And last but not least (I realize that i'm answering your comments backwards), thank you for the compliments towards my writing. I hope that I can put myself into a routine of writing that'll get me more practice, which is what I need most right now.

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KadetJaina

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PostSubject: Re: Waterfall Story thing and Crazy Love   Thu Sep 18, 2014 4:38 am

For Crazy Love I think that neutral ending would be open ending - I don't know if she killed him/they sit and talked and I don't know what they came up with/ or completely different - he visited her, he survived and he left her there and he knows he will not visit her again. That may be count as bad ending at some point, but not as bad as him dying. On the other hand - if written badly it may recall feeling of waste of time - why did I read this story, it doesn't have any conclusion! (that's problem with many neutral endings, it needs something interesting so they don't seem like waste of time).
For the repeating of the words, I don't know about English but in Czech it's big issue in writing. If you write and read long enough, you can see it when it's there. Again - rules in both languages differs but I think repeating is not good even in English, am I right?
And you are welcome, of course Smile. It's good to write more often but I don't believe in "you have to write everyday to be good" theme. I write when I feel like writing. But everyone needs something else. Maybe routine is also good. I hope you will write more and I'd like to read something again Smile.

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